In catching up with Evelyn's Crossroads Dispatches, I found a recent post about Niching Authenticity. Sounds interesting and as usual with Evelyn's writing it grabs you (well it grabs me anyway) and that's exactly what she means in terms of niching i.e. getting under your skin - in through the crack in the armour.
It is difficult (but immensely rewarding) work to stay open. To write and speak and act from the heart. It's not necessarily relevatory writing. I don't need to know your social security number or your girlfriend's quirks or what your nightmare last night was about. What is required is staying still when you want to bolt and then writing from that stillness.
I wish I could do it more often but I end up putting barriers in the way of expressing myself, but I'll have a go now....
I HATE BEING UNEMPLOYED!!!!! I am fed up. Its my job to get a job but I have to admit to not liking it. I despartely want to find something that will pay me a decent income and ieally something that will provide fulfillment. Its not easy and I am too self-deprecating sometimes so that I self-edit jobs out of the equation that I should apply to. I have had a few good interviews but no pay off as yet. One thing currently out there that I have fingers crossed for as its working for a company that I would love to work for (although I'm not optimistic about my chances).
One advantage of being unemployed with some cash reserves has been the ability to go and spend sometime with my children doing their weekly things, like swimming lessons. My older son's face when i was there watching him was thrilling and made me remember why it is I do this work thing i.e. to provide for them and keep opportunities open for them.
Perhaps then my ideal job would be working from home with the flexibility to continue to spend time with them, however I'm not sure how I could make that happen. Which is probably why I am frustrated with the whole unemployment thing.
I can hear my son shouting and screaming in delight, playing downstairs while I search for jobs on the web. My daughter is practising her recorder (quite well as it happens - I'm very pleased) and the sun is treaming in through the window in between the rain clouds. It could well be a metephor for how I feel.
In my head I want to know the answer - I want someone to tell me the answer while at the same time knowing that the only answer will come from me, from within, to drive a solution. I'm not a victim. I am me and I will get out of the hole. (Wasn't that a Jesus and Mary Chain song, In a hole?)
A number of books I have read talk about the primacy of action - the need not to think but to do, to make things happen. Sounds great. I'm all for making things happen. The only question is 'What?'
Some thunder is rumbling in the distance. Or maybe its a plane landing at the airfield.
Feeling that this is a bit incoherent, even for a stream of consciousness.
Answers on a (e)postcard to contact[at]betaroad.com please.
Good post. Sounds to me like it was energising to say you hate being unemployed. There's a lot of pressure to keep up a front and it's good to drop it sometime.
When you say you hate being unemployed, I think of you as an energetic person with stuff to offer! More interesting that just putting a brave face on it...
Posted by: Johnnie Moore at April 20, 2005 11:41 AMI bet you get a job next week, then you'll be wishing you enjoyed this time more.
Posted by: James Cherkoff at April 20, 2005 06:17 PMBravely said. While it may be a matter of in/out of employment for you, I think that the same issues crop up for others in different ways. I'm a freelance with lots of contacts, track record in different fields, yet a bit fallow at present. I could get the jobs/projects... but know the same old stuff will bring the same old frustrations. I need to take stock, reflect, re-energise, and I have a bit of cash cushion for that at present. It feels OK because I'm an explorer rather than goal-driven. Something will come up if I keep writing, meeting people, trying different stuff. But I know that doesn't work for many other people.
Did we meet at a Blogwalk?