Broadband and Me

What's the matter with you?

Johnnie Moore's Weblog: Keeping conversations inside the room

I often read things that make me go ah and have a little micro-moment when I think 'yeah I need to do that' but then I fail to seize the day. Unlike most 'ah' moments Johnnie's post from a while back (30 Sept 04) kept with me, and like most good things has matured with age and thinking.

...I took a different approach, which was something like this. I pointed out that what he'd said was a familiar experience for me in the health service, and talked about shadow conversations and their power. I then said, "We could talk about these difficult people who I've not met.. but I imagine you're asking that question because of some doubt of your own about the process - in which case, I'd prefer to talk about that. Or we could talk about your anxiety about confronting them - that's something that is here inside the room." Although he was a bit suprised by this, we did then get into a much more interesting conversation

To illustrate the point further this is Johnnie's point about Shadow conversations:

Then I thought of the times I've worked with bosses and found that, curiously, they do the same thing vis a vis their staff eg

Of course I agree with that, but you try getting my staff to level with me/understand etc,

These are all shadow conversations in which we humans scare ourselves with what often turn out to be untested assumptions about others, instead of focusing on our own heartfelt beliefs. And such conversations are highly infectious; once one person starts the idea, a kind of mass hysteria quickly sets in.

Its about perception and fear. The perception is that the world will naturally disagree with 'us' and that our confidence in what we are about to do is lacking and hence fear.

I can relate to this. While I have no fear about exams and my perception is always one of success (not always the truth but close) other actions which would be simple to another person, such as ringing someone I have never met, is a tough thing - not sure why but it is.

I wonder whether this whole topic stems to a kind of belief in society as a whole that failure is bad. In the big picture of course massive failure can be dreadful but the fear to even take part in something because of the possiblity of failure is dreadful.

I watched ITV's version of the classic Pollyanna yesterday and whilst I can appreciate the 'there is always something to be glad about' sentiment can be a bit twee, it certainly has more than a ring of truth in terms of positive mental attitude. Facing up to the fact that there is something blocking us is no bad thing but it is the ability to reach beyond that and find the power to focus on the positive that can bring us back on track.

If you are finding this a bit twee, remember I am writing this for me :)

Posted by Paul Goodison at November 15, 2004 03:34 PM | TrackBack